i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
