I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I FOUND THE LEGS
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize