i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize