Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
