Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
