It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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