i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
