I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
