Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
