Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
