Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
