In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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