girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
