if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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