I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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