just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
