just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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