remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
