Cold hands, warm shart.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
