He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
