On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
