Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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