just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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