WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
