my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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