She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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