Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
