don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
