i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
