I cut my penus on the lid.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
