..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I have feelings that need drinking.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
