Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My pussy is not your playground.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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