So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
