Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
