This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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