Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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