Jerry, you need to find god
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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