How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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