You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
