new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It's never too late to be topless.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
