I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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