i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
