Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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