i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
