Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
