Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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