Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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