Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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