he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
