How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
smell my finger.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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