she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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