Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize