true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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