do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You're like the curious george of whores
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
