Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
