i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
this is an emotional support booty call
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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