Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
