I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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