Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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