we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
