I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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