its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
