They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Randomize
