I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
