OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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