Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
