he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
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