How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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